Eating Disorder Treatment for Teens: Parent Tips
As a parent of a teenager or young adult with an eating disorder, you desperately want to do everything you can to help and support your child.
Eating disorders are complex, tricky, and serious illnesses. Watching someone you love experience pain, who’s resorting to unhealthy tendencies can cause heartache and distress.
You’re not alone. Many parents feel overwhelmed and powerless in understanding where to start and how to navigate the process of eating disorder treatment for teens.
The key is to learn as you go and respond with grace and compassion for you and your teen along the way.
Here you’ll find advice and tips for parents on how to support your teen with an eating disorder.
To start, let’s answer a popular question. Did I cause my child’s eating disorder?
No, Parents Do Not “Cause” Eating Disorders
As a parent, you sometimes want to blame yourself for your teen’s eating disorder, feeling guilty for what you should have done differently.
Parent blame can be crippling, and can significantly disable your ability to be a huge ally and source of support for your teen. It’s a harmful barrier that only inhibits you from taking the proper steps forward.
It's not easy, but letting go of the personal responsibility you feel for your teen’s eating disorder is crucial.
While certain actions may have encouraged the development of the eating disorder, correlation doesn’t always equal causation.
Eating disorders can affect every type of teen, in every type of family, under any circumstance.
Predisposition for an eating disorder and genetics put your teen at special risk. Biological, psychological, and sociocultural factors influence eating disorders; meaning there’s not one sole cause.
Freeing yourself from blame equips you to learn, to create necessary changes, to correct wrongs, and to pursue what you CAN do to be involved in your teen’s recovery.
Understanding the nature of eating disorders empowers you with the tools and skills needed to pursue authentic healing.
Educate Yourself and Recruit Professionals
When navigating the new territory of an eating disorder, knowledge is power. The more you learn the better you’ll be equipped to navigate emotions, behaviors, and challenging situations.
Read articles, books, and resources. The NEDA website is a great tool for learning about eating disorders and the Maudsley Parents website has tons of information on parent roles in treatment and family-based therapy.
Meet with your teen’s treatment team for guidance, decision-making, and recommendations.
Connect with other parents of teens with eating disorders.
It’s imperative to seek counsel and direction from an eating disorder specialist. If a clinician is not trained in eating disorders, they could potentially cause more harm due to misconceptions and the prevalence of diet culture in our society.
An expert assessing the severity of your teen’s specific needs will help in determining what type of treatment and level of care is necessary.
Individual therapy performed by a counselor and nutritional support from a registered dietitian are two major components of treatment. Family therapy is beneficial too, offering assistance in communication and family dynamic support.
While few teens initially prefer their parents to participate in treatment; after treatment the majority believe recovery would have been impossible without their parents.
It’s OK to not know all the answers. Seek education and rely on professionals when needed to better support your teen and make the transition into recovery easier.
Pursue a Positive Atmosphere Around Food and Bodies
The eating disorder causes food and weight to be at the center of your teen’s life. As a parent, it’s important to be a role model for a healthy relationship with food and your own body.
Personally assess if you’re speaking negatively about your body or other’s bodies, frequently dieting to lose weight, or using food in extreme ways to emotionally cope.
Dieting, weight bias, and fatphobia only reinforce the belief that appearance is tied to worthiness and that dieting is the way to achieve the “ideal body.”
Practice intuitive eating, where there are no “good or bad” foods, no “guilt,” and no caloric or diet talk.
Eat meals and snacks with your teen to demonstrate normalcy with food.
No foods labeled low calorie or diet should be in the house. Aim for your pantry displaying balance, variety, and moderation.
Keep mealtimes lighthearted (away from food talk) and plan distractions after the meal such as a family game or TV show to lessen anxiety or compulsions.
Approach exercise/movement from a place of self-care, not for weight loss or body manipulation.
Become aware of your teen's triggers and avoid food, weight, or body comments accordingly. Eating disorders can twist the meaning of words. For example, You look healthy possibly translates to your teen as You’ve gained weight.
How You Interact with Your Teen Matters
Use “I” statements when communicating rather than “you.” “You” statements provoke hostility and defensiveness. “I” statements allow you to share your thoughts and feelings without making accusations.
“You” statement: You never eat dinner with us anymore; you’re so selfish!
“I” statement: I feel sad when we don’t get to have you at the dinner table; I’m worried about you.
Prioritize bonding and shared activities with your teen that focuses on them. It may feel like the only attention they receive is in relation to addressing the eating disorder. Take a break from eating disorder talk and just spend time together. For example, if they enjoy painting, take them to an art class.
Listen to and validate your teen’s feelings without judgement. Even if you don’t understand, validate that what they’re feeling is real. Make them feel heard, without advising, criticizing, or “fixing.” This makes it easier for them to open up.
Offer patience and unconditional love. Recovery doesn't happen overnight, and as time goes on, your continued love and support, no matter how many setbacks your teen encounters, makes an impact.
Highlight their internal qualities to build confidence and self-esteem. Focus on positive traits, not based on appearance, such as their creativity and thoughtfulness.
Question and confront media messages promoting thinness or desired body types by discussing with your teen that you can be healthy at every size.
Remember that lying, secrecy, expressing anger, frustration, or anxiety is not an indication of their character, but it’s their mental illness. Try to separate the eating disorder from your teen; eating disorders are not a choice.
Eating Disorder Treatment for Teens - Therapy Makes a Difference!
Do you need someone to trust and that your teen can connect with?
As an eating disorder therapist, my job is to help your teen not only develop a path to full recovery, but to step into their own calling as an emerging young adult!
If you are in search of a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, disordered eating, and healing your relationship with your body, please feel free to visit my website or email me to see if working together might be a good fit for you. My office is based in Salado, Texas, and I can provide virtual therapy services across the state of Texas.
Good on therapy? Great! I also have a weekly newsletter called Sunday Soothies you might be interested in signing up for. If you ever get a case of the Sunday Scaries, cozy up with your inbox every Sunday morning and soothe your way into your week! Join the Soothie Crew here.
